I’m Just A Plethora of Personalities

I have a lot going on in my head, and body, currently. Let’s see: I’m an Aspie, Menopausal, arthritic, introverted, right-brained(left-handed), and deal with bouts of depression. And I have learned to be happy and grateful throughout it all.

I have learned that being introverted does not mean that one is shy, but rather means that you enjoy your own company and wish not to be the center of attention or the life of a party. Unless it is a party of one, or two, if my dear husband is involved. And as for being an Aspie, it just means that my brain is wired differently. Does not mean I have a disease. When I was younger and in school, it hurt deeply that I was being rejected on a constant basis, and not understanding the why of it.

Here I am, a writer, though an unpaid writer(as of this writing), who relishes in sharing words that come pouring out of my brain and straight into my tiny little fingers. What joy I find in it. And, if I haven’t already mentioned it previously, I am going through the NaNoWriMo 30-day challenge to write 50k words. I’m more than half way through, for those who may be interested.

I also see the world differently. And I like that fact. Everyone is an individual who needs to see things around them as they see it. No one is a puppet. No one needs to feel that they don’t fit in if they don’t see things as others do. That is what makes us unique. I love being unique.

And as for being menopausal and arthritic, I guess that means I getting old. But I’ve had a good life up to this point, and I’m praying that whatever years I have remaining will be good also. Just need to keep working out, which unfortunately I seem to be like a damn teeter-totter, up one day and down the next. Consistency is what I lack and that needs to end. Especially with winter’s cold breath breathing down upon us here in the Midwest, I need to bundle up to work out in our garage, where we have our weights.

So, there you have it. Me in a nutshell. A woman who loves to laugh, a lot, and I must admit that I even have a peculiar type of laugh. I am deeply interested in what others think and believe, especially as a writer. I am a people-watcher. What they wear, how they move, how they talk. Again, the writer thing. I want to be more dedicated to taking better care of myself, especially as I’m getting older. I’m 51 now, so I’m not getting any younger, folks.

But I love life. I love my family and close friends. I hope that everyone reading this is content with what they have and are in this life. We only have this one life and so many years t live it. If you’re not happy, please find out why and seek out your true joy in this world. Don’t let it pass you by before it’s too late. Embrace it, learn to not only love yourself but like yourself as well. You, dear friend, are an original!

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The Difficulty of Friendship

Okay, if you know anything about Asperger’s is that we have a difficult time making and maintaining friendships.  I just never got the hang o f it.  I probably can count on one hand the number of friends that I have.  And this isn’t an attempt to garner pity, but just sharing a truth.  Growing up, I always wondered why I was so different from everyone else.  I  wanted friends.  I just didn’t know how to get them.  I couldn’t maintain good eye contact, I was not proficient at small talk, and I wasn’t sure how to act around other people.  It just seemed to me that other women were completely into other things that I had no interest in:  scrapbooking, for instance.  I was attending a new members’ class at a local church when the discussion turned to what the other women’s hobbies were.  They gushed about scrapbooking.  I guess I just didn’t get the thrill of it.  I, for one, didn’t even have a large collection of baby photos of my two sons.  It just wasn’t something I thought of doing, as a woman with Asperger’s.  I didn’t know then what I know now.  Unfortunately for my sons, they won’t have a lot of childhood photos to look back on.

But I was always the quiet one.  Not that I always wanted to be.  I talked the ears off of people I knew.  And just ask my poor husband how much I talk to him.  He just tells me that I must be saving it all for him!  Lucky guy!  I’ve heard that us women have so many words that need to be used up in a day, and he gets to hear almost all of them.  I bet that he feels so honored!

Anyway, I am not a social person, not even with my own family.  I like to see how they all are and then I normally shut up after that.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them, it’s just that I don’t want to talk period.  No offense to my family. 

It’s lonely, though, not having friends to confide in, though my husband is my best friend.  I’m thankful that he does listen to me, for the most part.  It used to make me cry, wondering why I was so different.  It doesn’t anymore, because now I  understand.  It is just the way that I am.  It’s not that I don’t want to change, but there are times that I much rather be alone with my thoughts and my books.  I love reading, because they help me with my fantasy life.  I have an amazing imagination, that’s probably why I love to write.  But I won’t go there this time. 

So, if you see someone who doesn’t seem to want to be the life of the party, it may not be that they are terribly shy or standoffish, it could very well be that they just don’t feel like speaking but would much rather listen to what is going on around them.  And that’s not such a bad thing to be.