I’m Just A Plethora of Personalities

I have a lot going on in my head, and body, currently. Let’s see: I’m an Aspie, Menopausal, arthritic, introverted, right-brained(left-handed), and deal with bouts of depression. And I have learned to be happy and grateful throughout it all.

I have learned that being introverted does not mean that one is shy, but rather means that you enjoy your own company and wish not to be the center of attention or the life of a party. Unless it is a party of one, or two, if my dear husband is involved. And as for being an Aspie, it just means that my brain is wired differently. Does not mean I have a disease. When I was younger and in school, it hurt deeply that I was being rejected on a constant basis, and not understanding the why of it.

Here I am, a writer, though an unpaid writer(as of this writing), who relishes in sharing words that come pouring out of my brain and straight into my tiny little fingers. What joy I find in it. And, if I haven’t already mentioned it previously, I am going through the NaNoWriMo 30-day challenge to write 50k words. I’m more than half way through, for those who may be interested.

I also see the world differently. And I like that fact. Everyone is an individual who needs to see things around them as they see it. No one is a puppet. No one needs to feel that they don’t fit in if they don’t see things as others do. That is what makes us unique. I love being unique.

And as for being menopausal and arthritic, I guess that means I getting old. But I’ve had a good life up to this point, and I’m praying that whatever years I have remaining will be good also. Just need to keep working out, which unfortunately I seem to be like a damn teeter-totter, up one day and down the next. Consistency is what I lack and that needs to end. Especially with winter’s cold breath breathing down upon us here in the Midwest, I need to bundle up to work out in our garage, where we have our weights.

So, there you have it. Me in a nutshell. A woman who loves to laugh, a lot, and I must admit that I even have a peculiar type of laugh. I am deeply interested in what others think and believe, especially as a writer. I am a people-watcher. What they wear, how they move, how they talk. Again, the writer thing. I want to be more dedicated to taking better care of myself, especially as I’m getting older. I’m 51 now, so I’m not getting any younger, folks.

But I love life. I love my family and close friends. I hope that everyone reading this is content with what they have and are in this life. We only have this one life and so many years t live it. If you’re not happy, please find out why and seek out your true joy in this world. Don’t let it pass you by before it’s too late. Embrace it, learn to not only love yourself but like yourself as well. You, dear friend, are an original!


The Writer in Me

As I flounder around in this sea of indecision, I constantly wonder why I keep putting off that which is so very important to me. My desire to write; to put pen to paper, or more appropriately, fingertips to keyboard, seems to rage within me. Yet I do not make the time to just sit and write. Maybe it is the fear of rejection. My works are my babies, and I get pretty upset whenever someone doesn’t like my ‘babies’. It’s not that I feel that I’m so much better than the everyday writer, it’s just that I’ve had so much rejection in my past that I am living in a state of fear.

And let me tell you, it sucks! I have so many works in progress. That’s the extent of my writing. So many pieces left unfinished. So many thoughts never written down. Some days it feels like I’m drowning in regret. Regret for not having the guts to submit my work even though they may be rejected. Even though someone out there may not see the heart and soul I put into each piece. But as I’ve read recently, it is not me that is being rejected, only my work.

Sometimes it is difficult to separate the two. At least to me it is. I love to write. This is what I’ve longed to do since I was a child. It burns within me. The characters in my head cry out to be heard. They want to be recognized. They want to be free of my mind and put down on paper for all to see. To know them. To love them. Just as I do.

So there you have it. My dilemma. My guilt of needing to do the things in my house that I believe needs to be done. My job. My family. My workouts. My social media time. My private reading time. I am exhausted at the thought of having to accomplish so many tasks in only a brief 24-hour window. And I cannot forget sleep. My brain would be fried in record time if I didn’t get sleep. Though I’ve been trying to wake up earlier to write, but sometimes the brain is a bit too foggy in the early-A.M. to be thinking clearly enough about characters and plot lines and dialogue.

Now I need to finish up here. I need to make myself understand that which is most important to me, and cut out the rest of the crap. My family. My work outs. My writing. I seem to spend way too much time on the computer. That needs to end. Perhaps an hour in the morning and one at night before I hit the pillow. Even if I can get in one or two hours a day. But at least I can feel that it was all worthwhile. That I have not squelched my talent. This needs to end. And it needs to end today. Any other writers out there with any advice, suggestions, encouragement? Would love to hear from you. And ‘Happy Writing’ to all.

Happy In My Life

Blessings abound in the little things; like birds singing in the early morning while it is still dark. The rich scent of the earth after a good rain. Watching flowers begin to bloom and trees budding. I am in awe of the raw beauty of the earth in these warm, sunny days. I look forward to more of them; in fact I could say that I crave these types of days. It speaks to me of life and renewal and hope for the future. Sometimes in the busyness of life we tend to overlook the little things. Rushing from point A to point B, we don’t always notice the pretty flowers or take time to breathe in deeply of the pleasant smells around us. Even the barbeques, the lake or ocean water, the smell of suntan lotion, we tend to overlook at times.

I enjoy waking up early during these days of approaching summer. There’s something stimulating about getting up a bit earlier and getting a few extra things done, or just taking the time out while the house is still quiet, to perhaps read a book or the newspaper while sipping that first cup of coffee. Life is a beautiful gift. I don’t think we realize how precious it truly is, until we lose someone that we love. Each day is a brand new opportunity to love, to laugh, to grow, to learn something new, and to just be the best you that you can be.

I am changing, each day. I am becoming the person that I’ve always wanted to be. My mind is definitely more focused these past few months that I’ve been lifting weights and losing pounds and inches. I am more determined than ever to make the most out of each day that I am given. And there is so much to do. Work on my writing, reading for knowledge and pleasure, for staying in touch with friends and family, working out, running, enjoying time outdoors, gardening; and the list could go on but I’m sure that you get the point. I’m learning to live life and not to fear it so much anymore. My Asperger’s discovery has shown me that I am not crazy, just think differently than others do. And I am content with that knowledge.

I have my husband, my two sons, my crazy dog, and my family and best of all, I have my sanity. And, I can’t forget, I also still have my faith. Please remember that you are special and wonderful and unique and beautiful just the way that you are. You are not a mistake or some cosmic accident. You are meant to be. Make the most out of each day, grow and be at peace. Find love, be loved, and love in return. What a feeling. What a life. What a joy. What a miracle. Be good to yourselves and to others.