When God is Silent

All my life I’ve been clinging to the hope of God and His existence.  Deep down I am fully aware that there is something greater than myself; than all of us; alive and in control of this infinite universe.  Death has had its fair grip on me for decades; what will it be like, how much pain, and will I still exist afterwards?  I believe in a God that is omnipotent and unending.  As a child I’d play church(not too many kids out there playing church, I imagine).  We had this half-shell knick knack with Jesus on the cross attached to it and I’d put water in the shell and pretend it was holy water, dabbing it onto my forehead just like I saw my parents and others do in the Catholic church we attended.

Having Aspergers, I just felt closer to the existence of some higher power; something or someone I could look up to and have a sense of peace over.  I’ve read somewhere women with Aspergers have a unique pull to the divine.  I have a thirst for Truth, to know wrong from right, to understand others and what they are going through.  I want to grasp why some people are good and others are seen as evil.  What turns a person from light to darkness?  What snaps inside?

Peace within is a blessing.  But when we seek answers from an almighty Being, we expect answers, and fast.  We don’t want to wait.  From experience there were, and still are, frustrating circumstances in my life that needle the flesh.  Why does this person act this way?  Why don’t I feel closer to the ones I love?  Why do I keep getting rejected in places that preach about love and acceptance?  My ear is attuned to his anticipated reply.  But I cannot sense any forthcoming. Then the fear and doubts set in.  Is God truly out there?  Does he even care about me and my concerns?  Now I’m drawing into myself again.  I’m screaming within, Help me, God!  Why aren’t you listening?  Do you even love me?

As a believer, fear of God no longer loving you is like a baseball bat to the face.  It’s like trying to breathe underwater.  Crying helps, a bit.  But after the tears, the cursing(yes, the cursing), the pleading, I can take a deep breath and refocus.  Peace surrounds me once again.  God isn’t intimidated by your little outbursts.  He knows you intimately since he created you.  His love for you is eternal.  When God is silent, I believe he is testing us and our faith.  Do we trust in him or not?  He swoops in to rescue us and our dwindling faith.

He is good and merciful to his children, and knows us all by name.  God has not abandoned you but continually longs to have a place in our hearts and thoughts.  Talk to him today.  He is waiting.

Going Back to My Christian Roots

The Word of God endures forever. It cannot be destroyed. Those in Third-World nations hunger for it. Fellow believers long for a copy of the Bible for themselves. They sit on wooden benches in hot, stuffy shacks, worshipping the Lord while we in this country are sitting in air-conditioned masterpieces of architecture, and still we are not happy. We feel that going to worship once a week is a chore; boring and without merit.

The Bibles we have are normally for display, not for reading, much like our grandparent’s plastic-covered living rooms were. As believers, we need to open up that book, filled with life-giving, cleansing water for the thirsting soul. The Word is our hope. It reveals the precious Lamb of God who died to take away the sins of the world, so that we may be reconciled to the Father.

It doesn’t matter to God how many chapters you read in one sitting, as long as you take the time and refresh yourself in it daily. A verse or two, a chapter; just read it and take its words to heart. It can calm you down, and it can energize you, depending on what you are looking for.

Many people scoff at the Word, thinking it’s nothing more than fables and pretty stories written by uneducated men making foolish rules, and oppressive to women. But they couldn’t be further from the truth. God is holy. And the world does not understand Him any better than the religious leaders of Jesus’ time didn’t understand who He was.

God’s love for you is truly unconditional. He will be there with you in your struggles and your questioning “why’s” God doesn’t delight in people’s suffering or addictions, or in your tears. No. He wants nothing more than to comfort you.

For you to obey His word means to be kept safe from serious harm. Is that to say that nothing bad will ever happen to you? No. Life will still have its ups and downs, and heartache, pain, and temptations. But the Lord will provide you with the strength to make it through. All you have to do is ask. In His Word, a great light is there ready to break through the darkness of this world.

Understand that it is the ‘religious leaders’ of our day that try to overburden you with foolish rules and guilt trips. God will not do that. Christian faith is not about bondage, but about breaking free from condemnation. It is freedom; freedom from fear, addictions, and from a hardened heart. If you haven’t already, choose this day to take a chance on God. Let Him reveal Himself to you. Let Him bask you in the glory of His light and in His love. You’ll be glad that you did. Accept this offer of freedom and peace today.

Life As I Know It

Not much going on here. Enjoying the feeling of being fit and firm and waiting to turn 50 in a few weeks. Love the energy and the strength of my ‘new’ body. Younger son is returning to school in a couple of weeks. I’m still busy working days and a couple of nights a week. Totally getting into bike riding and further away from running. Bike riding is much more relaxing to me lately. Our garden is flourishing, just wish we had more red tomatoes on the vine. Lots of jalapeno and Serrano peppers, and bell peppers though.

Finished the book by Lora Leigh, Dangerous Games, that I’ve been reading. Love that author’s writing. I’ve also been trying to read a chapter a day from the Bible. Doing abs first thing in the morning too. Would still like to lose five more pounds if possible. My writing needs a little jump start but I’m enjoying watching and learning about writing from videos on YouTube. Actually taking notes on some of them and liking the knowledge I’m obtaining.

So there you have it, the current update on all that is going on here. Hope that life is going well for you wherever you may be. Stay healthy and stay safe.

How To Start Your Day Right

Do you ever have one of those mornings that you want so desperately to wake  up early and spend time with the Lord, but decide to sleep in instead?  I’ve had too many of those lately.  My desire is to wake up early and read a few devotionals from my collection, and ponder the goodness and mercy of God.  But I have such a hard time with this and I’m not sure why.  I start out well.  There are days, weeks, and sometimes months that I rise faithfully each morning while the house is still quiet, my dog at my feet, and devour God’s promises to me.  I’m hungry for them.  I need His word to refresh me  each morning before I go out into the world and face what is out there, both good and bad. 

But too many times I am lazy.  I say, “I’ll do them later.” or “I’ll start again tomorrow.”  But those are only excuses.  I believe firmly that without daily digging into the Word, we as Christians will not have an easy go of life.  We need His strength to see us through each day, with all of its many challenges and joys, struggles and heartaches.  We need to keep our eyes on Christ.  I know from past experience that if I do not spend time with Him that my days are hectic and I am so out of breath, and weary by day’s end, that I want to hang my head and weep.  Life is so hard.  Yes.  We may have our friends and family there by our side, but I still know in my heart that without Christ’s constant guiding, we will be tossed about on life’s turbulent seas. 

He is good.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.  He is our Rock and our Strength.  Christ is Lord and He loves us more than we can even think or imagine.  It is mind-boggling.  But I am thankful to have an opportunity to worship Him freely and to have a library full of Christian literature.  There are too many other countries that are oppressed and lack even a Bible in their own language. 

So tomorrow morning, I will rise up, put on a pot of coffee, read through a Psalm to praise His name and His goodness to me and my family.  I will read through three or four devotional readings for the day, jotting down notes(a habit of mine) and enjoy the solitude of the early morning.  Then it’s off into this big scary world.  But I have His protection round about me.  I will put on the full armor of God.  It’s always good to know that my best friend has got my back.