Back at the end of May I had quit my day job of janitorial cleaning to focus all of my attention on my writing; actual writing, revising, fretting, more writing, reading, and getting things ready to be sent off.
Well, I started off with good intentions, as we all do at the start of something new. The prospect of finally being allowed to put all my energy into my writing was exhilarating. Finally, time to just write. No worrying about my job. No more trying to remember codes. No more driving in the dark. Just the sheer bliss of doing something I’ve longed to do since I was a child.
But things don’t always turn out the way you want them to, do they? I was very focused in the beginning; diligently writing for 3 to 4 hours a day, taking time to revise pieces I had already finished, reading articles on the writing craft, and how to publish; etc.(sigh). I had even joined a writers’ group. But as time went on, something began to take my focus off of my writing. It was a television show here, just one or two chapters more in the book I was currently engrossed in, and, the biggest time suck, Social Media.
Ah yes, I allowed myself to get sucked in, again. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Baird & Warner Real Estate. Yes, I have this problem, this addiction, to view homes for sale. Why, you may ask? Since I was small I’ve always been fascinated by how the insides of other people’s houses looked. Yes, weird. No, I won’t stop. I’ll even go as far as to admit that when I’m a passenger in someone else’s car, I still like to peek inside homes as we drive by just to see how they look on the inside. No, I haven’t seen anything weird.
Now I have to confess my biggest weakness. I am a horrible planner. Not only do I have poor organizational skills, I can’t plan to save my life. All good intentions to be at my desk writing away, but getting easily, so easily, distracted by the little nuances of life. I wanted to remain vigil at my laptop until the end of the year and return to work then. But alas I haven’t kept up my end of the bargain. And I have been kicking myself. I wanted to blame others for this. But who else can I blame but myself?
So I vow to forge ahead, with whatever time I can carve out of a ‘busy’ schedule to write. No excuses because I have none. I need to plan, yes plan, when and where to send off my short stories. And I don’t even have to make a trip to the post office either. Most literary magazines allow you to send through their submissions manager, or email, and snail mail as last resort. As I hang my head in shame for not having done what I had so eagerly hoped to do, I asked forgiveness from my husband, my family, and those who have supported my efforts, fragile as they are, so that I can regain my vision and continue on.
Life is short and I need to realize this dream before it slips through these fingers of mine. I need to have this dream realized! I don’t want to be on my deathbed, regretting I didn’t accomplish all that I believe God created me to do. No one wants regrets. So here I go…again. Until next time.