Did You Ever?

Did you ever have days when it was sunny and clear outside but foggy inside of yourself?  Days when you weren’t sure whether you were doing the right thing?  Days when you sat and wondered if you were wasting your life away?

Did you ever have days when it was bright outside but dark within your own soul?  Sometimes it even frightened you how you felt?  Pondering life and sometimes wondering what the meaning of it all was?

Did you ever have days when the colors of flowers seemed to be exploding around you, but your heart felt gray?  You weren’t sure if you were happy or sad, or just lost somewhere in between?

I’ve had those days.  We’ve all experienced them.  But I don’t allow myself to waste too much time over it.  It’s okay to be depressed or confused about life.  We just can’t keep ourselves there for too long because that negative thinking can drag us down further until we can no longer find our way out.

A Big “Thank You” for Following This Blog

This is short and sweet.  I don’t always get the chance to say “thank you” when someone follows my blog.  I am appreciative of readers taking time to read my posts.  As a writer, just being able to get work out there for the public to read is exciting and rewarding, if only emotionally.  Thank you, dear readers, for being a part of this blog.  If you have any suggestions on how to make this blog better, please let me know.

Addiction and the Creative Types(In My Opinion)

Addiction:  the condition of being addicted (to a habit), spec. the habitual use of narcotic drugs.

Creative:  (3) having or showing imagination and artistic or intellectual inventiveness(creative writing).  —- Webster’s New World Dictionary

I’m a writer:  Creative.  Word lover.  Avid reader.  Imaginative.  Deep down there’s a pull to make believe; the desire to convince others that my imaginary friends are living, breathing human beings.  My mind is alive with various characters, dialogue, settings, and plot lines.  A chaotic place indeed.

But what is the correlation between addiction and creative people?  Is it because we have so much inner turmoil constantly brewing that we struggle to numb; to quell our demons?  Reaching for just a few minutes of quiet respite?

Some forms of addictions I am acutely aware of:  Sex, drugs, alcohol, money, food, and even work; just to name a few of the better known ones.  A beloved author of mine was besieged by his own inner demons:  Edgar Allan Poe.

I still drink at times though older now I have learned to control it.  But it my younger days I’d go all out.  A mind crowded with thoughts and ideas to the point that either I wanted to either scream or numb it so that it could be controlled.  Addictions find us in a frightening place.  Sometimes I believe we rather not get the help so as to keep the juices of creativity flowing.  Maybe we see our addictions as helping us be part of the bigger picture.  To let us taste of the real world.  To help us understand humanity on a deeper level.  To make our character more real to those we are fortunate enough to have read our words.

Creative types are continually striving to create.  We cannot put down that pen, brush, or instrument.  We have learned not to fit the sway creativity hold over us.  It is near impossible to still the hand, the heart, or the mind.  Like air and water, creating is what keeps us alive; nourishes our souls.  Without it, we are at a loss.

So if you have a child who decides, at a tender age, to pick up a pen, or a brush, or an instrument, or whatever they desire to do, do not discourage them.  Even if you yourself feel bound to do one of these, do it!  For it is the creative types who eventually change the world.

Crossroads

Recently I’ve come to a crossroads in my life.  Realizing I am more than half way through my life at 51 and sick to death of living under the crushing weight of fear and uncertainty, I’ve decided to change.  Change how I look at things.  Change how I deal with challenges.

No longer will I over-analyze every decision I need to make.  My new motto is:  It is what it is.  Life is too short and way too complicated to live in the what-ifs.  Sure, there are going to be times I’ll still resort to old habits, but I can stop and think without belittling myself for giving in to fear.  We are all guilty of that, I believe, the giving in to fear.  No one wants to fail.  No one wants that to be their legacy.  No one wants mourners at their funeral to say, “What a nice guy he was, but what a failure!”

I need to suck it up and understand that failure is achieved only when we stop trying.  In all areas of my life I need to apply this concept.  Easily written about but not so easy to implement.  So, with a deep, steadying breath, I forge ahead.  There are so many things I want to do.  I’ll try to do them, and some I won’t be very good at(like Zumba), others I will probably not waste too much time over(like trying to learn a foreign language at this stage in my life), and others I’ll love(like writing for a living).

How about you?  What are your goals or dreams?