I’ve joined a plethora of Aspegers groups as of late. They’re very interesting, eclectic people on these sights. I find them fascinating, as a writer, to hear what others are thinking; likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. Sometimes it causes me to ponder the goings-on in the mind of the youth today. There are a lot of discussions of the sexual nature, which is fine to me. I’ve always been intrigued with that subject since I was younger. And, again, as a writer I do enjoy hearing what other people are talking about.
Also, I enjoy the fact that we are all in the Aspie boat, trying to figure out our way through this insane life we all lead. I think there is an inbred fear of the unknown with Aspies perhaps due to our difficulty in social situations. I know that I’ve had a horrible time throughout life making and then trying to maintain those friendships. People have thought me cold, or a snob, or mean. I am none of those. It is because I desire my own company. When I am alone, I do not need to be ‘on’. I can be myself by myself. I don’t have to be something that I’m not. Maybe that’s why I feel safe when I do not have to throw myself into some social circle where I feel that I am constantly under a microscope, being judged.
It’s not that I’m weak or afraid. I want to be alone most times. I struggle with making conversation. I deplore going to parties where I don’t know many people. Though I’ve studied on how to begin one, I would rather not start a conversation. Thank you very much. But getting back to those aforementioned groups; I feel part of a bigger family, embraced warmly by our familiarity of having Aspergers. They understand me. They know that sometimes we can appear aloof, or too forward, or sometimes even mean. Swimming through the muck in this sea of normality, we struggle to keep our heads above the crashing waves, one more breath to last us into another new day. We can survive this mess. We can love or loathe the life we are give to live. It is our individual decision to make. I choose to embrace this life I have been blessed to live. I won’t run from it. I won’t injure myself because of it. I am part of this creation, this insanity; this awesome wild ride that is new each and every morning. Shine brightly, my fellow Aspies, normalcy be damned! You are perfect just the way that you are.