Okay, continuing on from my last post, I am most certainly sure that I have Asperger’s. Yes. It’s undiagnosed, but reading all the info about it, I match almost 100% of the traits, etc. One of my sons has it, and I know now, without a doubt, that I too have the Syndrome. No big deal to me. I am jut elated to discover after all these years, I’ll be 50 this year, that the way that I look at things is not weird or bizarre, but my normal.
I look at how I related to other people, how I prefered my own company to that of others. I liked playing with boys and hanging around them instead of other girls. I never was into the ‘girlie’ stuff, like makeup and dressing up. I hate jewelry, flowers, and all of those other “Hallmark Holiday”. Knowing that my husband loves me 365 days of the year means that we do not need special days to for him to tell me that. Flowers die, chocolate adds inches to my hips, and jewelry to me is a big waste of money. Okay, I’ll stop.
I now can move on and enjoy the rest of my life, however long that may still be. When I act different, I’ll know and understand the why of it all. If people don’t like me now, it’s their problem, not mine. Unless, of course, I’ve done something to cause their dislike. Wow. A dark cloud lifted, a heavy blanket removed, and a light going on inside of me. That’s what this discovery has done for me. After years of depression, and suicidal thoughts and attempts, and just a deep gut-wrenching sorrow of wondering why people didn’t seem to like me, is over. I have been set free. And, damn, it feels wonderful!
Now I can go on writing on the topics that I enjoy writing about without wondering why I am so attracted to those story lines. I can go on reading those books that I enjoy so much without wondering why I love this genre so dearly. Ah, the freedom to be yourself. I always knew that I didn’t want to be like other people. I’ve always rejected that way of doing things. If people want to be friends, all well and good, but I’ve decided that I am no longer going to play at being normal. I will now live life as I was created to be. A very unique and sometimes strange individual. And that’s okay too. Trying to fit a certain mold is draining. So tiring. I can like me and be happy with the way that I am.
So, have a wonderful week everyone. Hope that you find some joy in reading my posts. And I do truly appreciate everyone who takes time out of their busy day to read what I write. It definitely means a lot to me. Writing is my lifelong dream and goal of being officially published someday. God bless and stay safe out there. We know it’s a crazy world out there. Peace.