Sitting Here in Limbo

Sometimes I think that my life is very boring.  I don’t feel like I’m making any difference in anyone else’s life.  I am blessed, don’t get me wrong.  I love my family.  But I still feel like there is something missing in my life.  I am so disorganized.  That is a negative when one wants to become a published writer.  My writing-table is in shambles.  I have a pile of magazines here, and a stack of finished poems there, and I can’t even see an empty space on the surface.

Perhaps it is because I’m afraid that if I clear off the table, then I have to get down to my writing.  What am I afraid of anyway?  Is it fear of success or of failure?  Or could it be a little bit of both.  Can it be that I’m too lazy?  Or that I just don’t care one way or another?  I’m not sure.  I don’t even want to know, to be honest.  Perhaps I’m just too content with writing here on my blog.  It is safe.  I don’t have to worry about rejection.  Or whether a paycheck is coming in. 

Either way, I need to start and stop letting this foolishness hold me back.  I’ve said it before, I know.  Sometimes I feel that my life is in limbo, as though I am waiting to see what is going to happen.  What direction does God want me heading into?  I’ve always felt this talent was a gift from Him.  Why do I keep holding it back?  Why can’t I just release my inner writer and let her be whoever she wants, or needs, to be? 

Busyness of day-to-day living can be so hard to endure at times.  Hold me accountable.  Don’t let me get by another week without submitting something to an editor.  I need to take that chance, no matter what the outcome. 

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4 thoughts on “Sitting Here in Limbo

  1. You and I face the same battles, I never realized that about blogging being safer than trying to publish professionally, you are 100% right though, what is the challenge here? Pushing yourself is the right answer for me and for you, thank you. May God reach out to you and start your keboards beautiful tapping melody so you can produce and be fruitful for His glory In Jesus name I ask and pray for you, Amen. -WATW

  2. Fortunately in this digital age, self-publishing need not consist solely of blogs and Facebook posts. Self-publication help sites (lulu.com) can take that manuscript you’ve always feared to send to an editor for consideration and turn it into an easily downloadable eBook or print on-command paper copies. I’ve been considering something along those lines myself, but school is just taking up too much time right now.

    Best of luck in all of your writing endeavors, Eva! It’s a field that once was akin to “making it” as a professional athlete — that is, many aspired, many tried, few succeeded at actually living comfortably off of it — and while it’s still pretty tough to earn a living wage off self-published works, you never know — that poem you’ve neglected might be the next “viral” sensation, regardless of whether or not an “official publisher” approved it!

    1. Got a lot of poems and short stories ready to go, but I am struggling with the things that I’m writing about since they are not ‘nice, happy’ pieces. Guess I’ll just have to take the chance and be confident in what I’m writing. Thanks for the encouragement. Hope all is well.

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