Contemplating

Life can be so confusing sometimes.  When you think that you have it all figured out, a piece of it somehow collapses beneath the weight of your feet.  Here it is almost 10 P.M.  Still early for many of you on a Friday night, but to me it’s late.  The rest of the family is asleep and here I am pretty much wide awake.  It could’ve been the coffee I had about an hour or so earlier, but I’m not sure.  Let me share something with you, I am the type of person who tries her best to see the good in people.  I’m not always successful at finding it, but I try my best.

I’m contemplating what to do with my life.  Yes.  I know.  I’m probably well passed the half-way point of my life but I am still searching for that ‘magic pill’, that ‘something’ that is making my brain itch.  Does that make any sense?

I still want to be able to enjoy my life and not feel as though I have completely wasted it.  I long to know if I made a difference in someone’s life.  I want to feel as though it mattered to this world that I existed.  I want to share the words buried inside of me.  To release it like air from a balloon and watch it bounce off the walls. 

I want to know that I have learned to truly love others as I should.  Not just because I ought to but because I choose to.  Life is too short and way too precious to just blow it off.  I don’t want to spend another day wasting it away by doing frivolous things.  I want to live a life of wonder and amazement at the sights around me, and I never want to take for granted the ability to have breath within me, and eyes to see God’s beauty around me, and ears to hear the voices of my loved ones calling. 

 I’m contemplating life and the awe-inspiring beauty of it.  Good night, dear ones.  Sweet dreams. 

(This was written in August and I just never got around to publishing it.)

 

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