A Mother’s Heart

My heart aches for my older son, Malachi.  He is the one who has Asperger’s, the high-functioning form of autism.  The thing that he wants to do for a living is giving him a horrible time.  See, what he wants to do is fix cars.  His job currently is to fix his dad’s car’s brakes.  And it’s not going too well.  And now, the Asperger part of him is resurfacing again –  he cannot get the job done and he is in tears.  That’s how I know that my son has something different about him that other eighteen year old males probably do not deal with.  The emotional side of the disorder.

I sometimes still get frustrated with him for being so overly emotional.  He is so upset that he cannot fix the car the way it should be, and he’s afraid of disappointing his dad.  It’s never easy when you have a child with some disorder because one side(the rational) of you wants to yell at him to grow up, and the other more sensitive, motherly side wants to hug him and tell him not to be so upset.  That it’ll all work out.  Perhaps he needs better tools.  Perhaps he just needs more time to succeed at it. 

But again it is the emotional outbursts that give him away.  His sensitivity to loud sounds or bright lights.  Malachi is not very patient when it come to doing something mechanical.  Even though he’s loved cars all his life, he still finds it difficult to get the job done right.  And as his mother I need to remember that though he is eighteen, six-feet tall, and his voice is as deep as his father’s, he still has trouble dealing with problems when life throws him a curveball. 

I’ll explain to him again that it just takes time.  Time to get the job done right and to be patient with himself.  He’ll get there in due time.  Sometimes it just takes him a bit longer to understand how things work.  To take a step back and think what to do next.  He’ll get it eventually, I know.  I’m his Mom and I’m on his side – always.

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