As I continue on from yesterday, my thoughts go back to Malachi’s elementary, middle, and high school years. He has improved tremendously since moving out here. I can’t say enough wonderful things about the District 47 and 155 schools out here where we live. They’ve worked so diligently with Malachi over the years. I am proud of him now. But I wasn’t always.
I am a very quiet, reserved person at heart. When he used to make race-car sounds coming out of school, arm movements like he was driving a car, I became embarrassed. Other parents would stare at him, and I’d hang my head. I did not want to feel this way about my first-born son. Many times I had mixed feelings. My husband thought that Malachi could just outgrow it. But I don’t think that will happen. This is something Malachi will have to deal with for the rest of his life. He has asked me several times in the past why God allowed him be born with Aspergers. I told him that he was perfect just the way he was made. That God didn’t let him be born with that because He hated my son. That every person is born with unique characteristics.
My younger son, Joshua, wasn’t so encouraging. He told us within the past year or so how he really felt. He said that we spent more time with Malachi and that we loved him more than we did Joshua. This is not true. I tried to explain to Joshua that we spent more time with Malachi because we needed to. Joshua doesn’t seem to understand, or want to. He is the extreme opposite of Malachi’s sweet, polite, kind, and even-tempered disposition. Joshua is angry, highly intelligent(sometimes too smart for his own good), quick-tempered, and strongly independent. He was like that since birth, I’d tell him but he refuses to believe that. He says that he is independent because he had to because of the attention and time it took to take care of his brother.
Malachi is now in the local college, taking automotive repair classes two evening a week. He wants to work in the automotive industry and believes that he will be making good money. And I hope that he does. But getting a decent paying job with the hours he needs has been quite a challenge. Not only because of his Asperger’s but because of the economy itself. He wants to purchase a house by the time he’s twenty-three. I wish him all the best, but deep down I’m still unsure whether he’ll be able to swing it. Being on his own. He doesn’t like being alone. He doesn’t like answering the phone unless we make him. Will he remember to: pay his bills, balance his checkbook, have enough money for groceries? I worry about him more than I do his younger brother. Will Malachi be alright on his own? Will he find a girl to settle down with and get married? Will his odd ways scare the girls off? He is a wonderful young man whom I am very proud of.
He has improved tremendously since entering the fourth grade after we moved out here from Berwyn. My parents noticed too. When he was little, he wouldn’t make any sense on the phone. Mostly talking in circles, and never coming to the point. But over the years they have noticed how confident and mature he is on the phone. Yes. My son has come a long way since my fears as a new mother. He may never be the ‘perfect’ child all parents seem to desire. But he’s my son. And after all these years, trials, and joys, I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s my son.